People are Photoshopping Mr Bean into everything

I think this is one of the greatest things I have seen on the internet. People are photoshopping Mr Bean’s superb face into everything from movies to politicians to classical works of art. It has caused me to grin like a loon for about an hour now, so I thought I would share. This is an internet meme I fully support.

I know technically it is actually Rowan Atkinson’s face, but it is clearly Mr Bean. Mr Atkinson is so awesome that you can actually differentiate his character’s faces, even though they all technically have the same face. If you get what I mean. I have travelled a lot and Mr Bean is everywhere as he doesn’t really speak and his brand of logical insanity has a universal appeal. I even had beers in a Mr Bean cafe / bar in Ho Chi Min. Anyway, enough waffle.

Let’s start with the classics:

Now let’s get political by mocking a famous figure of hatred! BeanLaden.

There are a ton more but I think the movie ones are my favourite. I would watch the hell out of any of these. Enjoy.

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Stunning flight over Mars using NASA images

A highly talented and possibly slightly bored fellow called Jan Fröjdman has taken lots of detailed photos from the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter and put them together to create an amazing flyover of the red/brown planet.

For the past 12 years, the Orbiter has taken over 50,000 images using its HiRISE camera, which are available to anyone online. Mr Fröjdman then coloured these images, edited them together, and turned the result into something that resembles a high definition flyover of the planet. It took him 3 months and is stunning. I would love to go to Mars but will probably wait until they have organised return flights.

Check out the video here:

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Baby Driver by Edgar Wright

I keep meaning to post fewer trailers but then great looking trailers keep coming along. If Baby Driver wasn’t by writer/director Edgar Wright (Spaced, Shaun of the Dead, etc) I would probably just think it looked quite fun and has a great cast –  Ansel Elgort, Kevin Spacey, Lily James, Jon Bernthal, Eiza González, Jon Hamm and Jamie Foxx. But it was directed by Edgar Wright, so hurrah.

The film is due out in August 2017 but has actually already premiered at the South by Southwest film festival the other day. Even more excitingly, those who saw it have rated Baby Driver incredibly well. It’s a bit frustrating that the rest of us have to wait so long.

I could waffle on more but there is no need. Here is the International trailer for Baby Driver:

 

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Worst Catfish Ever

In case you didn’t know, to catfish is when someone pretends to be someone else online (usually someone way more attractive) and then strings some poor sod along. Sometimes it’s for money, other times because… I don’t know, people are weird. It is often a sad story involving really lonely people who are ridiculously gullible and really nasty sociopaths who will get their comeuppance if there turns out to be an afterlife. Sometimes people are just bored morons.

So is it ok to make jokes about it? I think yes. You should be able to satirise things and if you are intelligent enough, you will realise that mocking something isn’t the same as condoning it. Also, the more it is mentioned, the more someone might think twice before falling for a complete stranger online and then sending them money and pictures of their arse. I’m in my 40s and have never made a new friend online, so I feel pretty safe. I have reached an age where frankly, I know enough people already and don’t care about meeting more.

So having said all that here is the ‘Worst catfish ever’. It made me laugh.

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Sir Patrick Stewart reads 1-star reviews of famous monuments

I saw this on some site or other and had to share. (It is a GQ video.) Sir Patrick Stewart is a legend and I am not just saying that as a huge Trekkie. Essentially this clip just mocks things really dumb people have said but with a classically trained Shakespearean actor delivering the words. Which is great, right?

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What it’s like to land on Pluto

Pluto

If we ever stop dicking about being mean to each other on this planet, we may start exploring space. Or maybe the lunatics taking over the asylum (aka Earth) will give science the impetus to escape our gravity well and start over elsewhere. Either way, I spend a lot of time dreaming about going to other planets. Or even dwarf planets.

It seems NASA is much the same as they have stitched together 100 photos from the New Horizons flyby in 2015 to give an idea of what it would be like to land on Pluto. In colour! Enjoy.

 

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Gatebox – Japanese Virtual Home Assistant and girlfriend

I stumbled across this video by Gatebox on Digg and found it slightly creepy and a little sad. I have never been to Japan (the airport doesn’t really count) but there seems to be something wrong with with their birthrate and there are debates as to why. I’m sure you have read articles about increasing numbers of people retreating into their personal space, interacting solely through the internet and no longer being interested in having sex. (Or at least relationships.) Then there are the articles that say this is bollocks. The fact remains the birthrate in Japan, and increasingly in other developed countries, is dropping.

I then read the Youtube comments, which is always a cogent reminder of why the birthrate dropping is probably a good thing. Apparently this retreating from the world and only interacting with people through a screen has, predictably, a lot of subsets and splinter factions and millions of fucking acronyms.

In response to videos like the Gatebox one below – featuring, broadly speaking, a virtual girlfriend – there was a lot of defence from a group that calls itself MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way). Apparently this is a huge thing happening all over and I somehow missed it until now. As far as I can tell, it is an extension of what is happening in Japan but is occurring mostly to Western men. It is not a counter to femininism, it is just men who no longer want to be in a relationship and want out of the whole dynamic. Like all ‘movements’ some argue it is not a movement, some seem quite rational and intelligent, and some are batshit crazy and hate women. It isn’t something that would particularly ‘float my boat’, but the world is a big and complex place. I’m not going to comment on it because gender issues are an inflammatory topic and I can’t be arsed to debate issues on the internet because doing so is utterly, utterly pointless. Treat everyone equally and be nice to each other. It’s not that complicated.

Anyway, see what you think of the video below by Gatebox. I feel it says something about a society where this is appealing to enough people that it has been made. You may think it is sad and creepy and an example of the increasingly isolated modern world. Or maybe you think that if people want to retreat into their own space, fair play to them, society shouldn’t dictate how individuals want to live their lives and if this becomes more popular then it will be increasingly normal. I think if people are lucky enough to have a choice, they should live the lives they want. In this particular case however, I think that the guy seems really, really lonely and I hope his virtual girlfriend helps. (I’m aware he is an actor.)

Here is the Japanese Virtual Assistant by Gatebox:

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Scooter Trouble by Nikolai Lockertsen on an Ipad

Scooter Trouble by Nikolai Lockertsen

I have an iPad Pro and pestered my local Apple shop on an almost daily basis as to when they were going to stock the Apple Pencil. I was going to teach myself to draw because I am so damned creative. Probably. I finally got the pencil but my art career has, sadly, yet to take off. The iPad has paid for itself from what I have written on it, so it wasn’t a total waste and I regularly use the pencil to take notes and practice writing Thai. It is also big and lovely and shiny. But my art and drawing skills remain on par with my music – I can do a tiny, tiny bit of each but thank god for my writing or I would be broke and starving in a gutter. (I will be plugging more fiction soon but for now click on this.)

I then saw a video on Facebook and I am feeling inspired. An artist called Nikolai Lockertsen creates amazing art on an iPad Pro using an iPad pencil. His other art is superb but I saw this video of him drawing a piece called ‘Scooter Trouble’ and felt a creative stirring. I have the Procreate app because I impulsively downloaded nearly all the art apps as doing so would make me more arty owing to some kind of osmosis. (It didn’t really work.) I feel I should point out that I get nothing from Nikolai Lockertsen or Apple or Procreate for writing all this. I just thought I would share as it is incredible and inspirational. (If Lockertsen or Apple or Procreate want in on some kind of affiliate deal, I am totally willing to sell out  – email me.) I have added links below if you want to follow this up a bit more.

Here is the video, apparently it took 16-20 hours:

Art Study Online’s website:
http://www.artstudyonline.com

Nikolai Lockertsen website:
http://www.lockertsen.net

Procreate (app) website:
http://www.procreate.si

 

 

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Happy Chinese New Year!

Happy Chinese New Year!

I was born in Hong Kong and lived there for 21 years, so I have celebrated a lot of Chinese New Years. I was born in the very exciting and glamorous Year of the Rat. My wife is half Chinese and is out celebrating it right now. So I thought I might as well spread the good cheer.

Happy CNY my awesome readers! May you be healthy, wealthy, and wise. Or more than you are already at least.

As they say in Hong Kong (the Cantonese speakers anyway):

Gung hei fat choy!

Spellings vary, obviously, but the main message is basically – have a good one! Go eat some noodles and drink Tsing Tao! Enjoy.

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All Pixar movies are connected

Pixar is all connected

There have been loads of weird theories about Pixar movies. (Well loads of movies actually, people are bored.) I read one that suggested Toy Story 3 was about the holocaust, for a miserable example. There was another floating around that all their movies all exist in the same universe and are linked somehow. There are certainly plenty of easter eggs – most notably the Pizza Planet Truck:

Pizza planet truck

But there are tons more and you probably missed them. I love Pixar and have watched their movies repeatedly and was nowhere near spotting most of these references. Well, Disney got in on this theory and basically confirmed it. All Pixar movies are linked – sometimes it is vague and tenuous but there are references to other films in all the films. If you get what I mean. If not, or you want proof, watch this video. Enjoy.

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Alan Partridge: Nomad

I am a massive Alan Partridge fan but I have never read any of his books as I assumed they wouldn’t work as well as the TV show and were just cashing in. I was colossally wrong. Alan Partridge: Nomad appeared on some recommendation page or other and it had such good reviews that I impulsively downloaded it. I am exciting that way.

The intention was to have something amusing to read while I was waiting for a train or out with someone boring. Once it had landed on my phone however, I thought I would just read a little to see what it was like. I had to stop 5 minutes later because I was laughing too hard and frankly it was embarrassing as I was on train. In the end I just had to look like a lunatic as I sniggered my way home reading. I read the book in two sittings (I had to meet someone exciting which interrupted it).

Nomad is one of the funniest books I have ever read. I guess it helps if you know Alan Partridge as his voice read the book in my head and was all the funnier for it. This is now literally the case as I have also downloaded the audiobook (read by Coogan/ Partridge). It might also help if you studied British D-list celebrities as Alan recounts a lot of run ins. Especially Noel Edmunds.

Alan Partridge: Nomad is the story of Alan doing a walk called the “Footsteps of my Father” where he follows the route taken by his father when he went from Norfolk to Dungeness to get a job at a nuclear power plant. I cannot stress how much more funny it is than that sounds.

Unless you hate laughter and looking like a giggling nutcase, I highly recommend this book. It is superb. Long live Partridge.

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Happy New Year 2017

Happy New Year fantastic Word of Ward readers! About 20 years ago I made the resolution to not to do the whole New Year resolution thing as it seemed like a recipe for disappointment. I have stuck with it ever since because I have a will of iron. However, I do have a series of ‘habits’ that are occasionally added to or changed, often around new year or birthdays, which don’t count. I have two apps/programs in particular that help me with this – Habitbull and Wunderlist. Wunderlist is mostly for targets, goals, and articles I have to write for work. Habitbull is more a serious of habits (surprisingly) which daily encourages me to write 1000 words of fiction, spend 20 minutes practicing Thai, or a number of other things.

I mention these apps because I have been asked about writing habits and these keep prompting me to do things which are achievable on a daily basis. Rather than ‘I will write a book’, trying to hit 1000 words a day is much better. You can do that then play playstation or go to the pub  (to pick random examples that may apply more to me than you).

If you do have new year resolutions, then good luck. Don’t come complaining to me on on this year’s Blue Monday – the most depressing day of the year. This year it will be the 16th January so mark that in your disappointment riddled diaries.

One thing that will hopefully hold true is that 2017 will be better than 2016. The UK is out of Europe and Trump has been voted in already. Bowie can only die once. Surely there isn’t much more to come in 2017 that can be that bad. So hooray for 2017! On that note, I will leave you with a cool horror film trailer that someone made about 2016. It is really well done. Enjoy yourselves everyone, everywhere and happy new year!

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Happy Winter Festival or Christmas

Whatever your culture or religion (and feel free to keep that to yourself), it is likely that you will be celebrating something today. So from all of us here at the shining Word of Ward publishing towers, Happy Winter Festival and/or Christmas and/or Festivus/Yule/Saturnalia/Sunday! Drink (if you are allowed), eat lots (if you are lucky enough), be nice to your family (if you have some) and generally have a great day. Santa gave me the gift of Battlefield 1, so it is about to be a very explosion filled Christmas. Good times.

Happy Christmas!

santa-claus-with-wine-glass-funny-christmashappy-saturnaliamerryyulefestivus-the-airing-of-grievances

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Japanese Rock, Paper, Scissors competition

You know how exciting it is to watch professional-level rock, paper, scissors in an arena? Me either. But in Japan they do and they somehow make it seem really exciting. Take a deep breath and check out this short clip:
Derren Brown would obviously win that competition, um, hands down… Sorry. There is also a robot hand that someone built for some reason that always wins. It is clearly an important sport.
Now, to ramp up the competition, they should play the next level of the game. Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock. The rules are explained in the Big Bang Theory. You might want to write it down:

Bohemian Rhapsody acted out is a noir-ish thriller

Someone was clearly stoned and/or drunk and was listening to Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody and thought “Dude, that could totally be made into a short film.” So they did just that. Surprisingly, given that a lot of Bohemian Rhapsody seems like gibberish, it actually works pretty well and makes sense. There is one scene where they have to say “No” and “Galileo Figaro” and “Bismillah” and other randomness where it falls down a bit, but otherwise it is fun.

Good, not great, but definitely worth 4 minutes of your time if you happen to be at work. Turning songs into short films should become a new internet meme. Here is Bohemian Rhapsody as gritty (and occasionally silly) thriller. Magnifico! Enjoy.

 

A Tour of Britain in Accents

This is amazing. A guy dialect coach called Andrew Jack shows what the various accents are like around the UK. If you have never been to Britain this will probably be bizarre and baffling but the guy is incredible and when he shifts dialect he is spot on. I guess it is what he does for a living and has been the dialect coach on a ton of different movies, including all the latest Star Wars movies and the upcoming Thor: Ragnarok.

Andrew Jack’s website can be found here: http://andrewjack.com

Check out the clip:

In case you are bored, here is a map showing the accents from around the UK. Fairly interesting stuff as the UK has a weird variety of regional dialects, especially when you consider its size. Obviously the correct way to pronounce everything is with a North London accent but people are surprisingly reluctant to agree. Check it out:

UK Accents

UK Accents

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Ok Go – The One Moment video

OK Go - The One Moment

OK Go – The One Moment

This is incredible. The band ‘OK Go’ always does pretty cool videos but this one took so much planning and is so well done that I found it hard to believe at first. What they did was set up a load of events, timed everything with computers and digital triggers, then filmed ‘The One Moment’, real time, in 4.2 seconds. The music video is then that 4.2 seconds stretched out.

For more details check out the OK Go website: http://okgo.net/2016/11/23/background-notes-and-full-credits-for-the-one-moment-video/

Here is an excerpt with Damian Kulash, Jr. (director and singer), as he explains some of the stuff in the video:

Just how slow is this, and is it all one speed?
It is not all one speed, but each section is at a constant rate, meaning that time does not “ramp” (accelerate or decelerate). We just toggle from one speed to another. When the guitars explode, we are 200x slower than reality (6,000 frames per second), but Tim and Andy’s short bursts of lip sync (Tim twice and Andy once) are only 3x slower than real life (90 frames per second). The watermelons are around 150x, and the spray paint cans are a little over 60x.

How did you plan all this?
The whole point of the video is to explore a time scale that we can’t normally experience, but because it’s so inaccessible to us, our tools for dealing with it are indirect. The only way we can really communicate with that realm is through math. The choreography for this video was a big web of numbers — I made a motherfucker of a spreadsheet. It had dozens of connected worksheets feeding off of a master sheet 25 columns wide and nearly 400 rows long. It calculated the exact timing of each event from a variety of data that related the events to one another and to the time scale in which they were being shot.

You probably skipped all that text and just want to see the damn video already. So here it is. OK Go and The One Moment:

 

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Massive waves in Taiwan typhoon

I will keep this brief because there isn’t much to say. I saw this video on some social media feed or other and thought “Holy shit, those waves are huge!” Which, combined with my compulsive need to share things has led to this. These are waves in Taiwan and they are massive. The lighthouse is apparently around 75 foot tall and is presumably empty or sheltering people in brown pants.

 

The Murder of Roger Ackroyd

I was on a beach last month and wanted to read something short and fun. I hadn’t read a murder mystery in ages and thought that would fit the bill. So without thinking about it too much, I did the obvious and went for an Agatha Christie novel. You can’t really go wrong with her books. I chose The Murder of Roger Ackroyd because I like the title, it had good reviews, and was a Poirot.

the-murder-of-roger-ackroydThe book centers around two deaths: one is before the book starts and the other is the eponymous Roger Ackroyd. Hercule Poirot has retired from sleuthing and just happens to be living in the village where it all occurs, but as he is good at solving exactly these kinds of mysteries the police wisely let him in on the action. I can’t say much more without giving too much away.

The Murder of Roger Ackroyd is a great read and it doesn’t really matter if this is your first Poirot or Christie novel. I read it on a kindle and it was quite fun seeing which sections and sentences people had highlighted in their attempt to work out who did the crime. The clues are there and like nearly all Agatha Christie novels, you probably won’t guess who did it. She was very good at what she did.

I am used to reviewing science fiction or fantasy – or in my day job the odd travel book – so there is usually more to say. Here though the summary can be: if you like murder mysteries or any book written by Christie, you will like The Murder of Roger Ackroyd. Lots of suspects, suspicious goings on, red herrings, clues, and a surprise.  Oh yeah, and a murder. Recommended holiday read.

You can get it here or, probably, a second hand book shop anywhere.

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Cumberbatch presents the Apple toilet

cumberbatchBenedict Cumberbatch was on Saturday Night Live the other day (probably on Saturday) because he seems to be contractually obliged to be absolutely everywhere at the moment. To be fair, that is quite subjective – we just saw Dr Strange (which I loved), that prompted my wife to re-watch Sherlock, all while I have been re-listening to Cabin Pressure on my commute. So that has been a lot of Cumberbatch.

Anyway. On SNL he did a spoof of the Apple 1984 Macintosh advert and I found it mildly amusing. It’s a Monday, so mildly amusing is about as good as things can get. To be honest, I would quite like a toilet like that – you can have a stand for a book/iPad and flush with ease. Here is Cumberbatch on a toilet. Enjoy.

In case you are a child, here is the original Macintosh 1984 advert:

 

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