After 4 years of owning and loving an iPhone, I finally made the big leap to Android. This has caused a weird reaction with some people but some people are idiots.
When I first bought the iPhone 3G it was a shiny thing of wondrous joy. There was nothing close to it on the market and I knew I’d never be bored again. It could do so much! I could text more easily, write emails, listen to music, watch TV, read the news in a field, look at porn on a bus, play games on the tube, and, and stuff. I could even make phone calls with it if I really had to, although I increasingly despise the phone as a means of verbal communication.
Cut to 5 months ago. My iPhone started behaving weirdly. It would turn off whenever I tried to access the internet or play a game. The battery seemed to be sucked dry in literally 20 seconds or less. Being Apple of course, I couldn’t open it up to chuck in a new battery because Apple innards are practically hallowed ground. Should I get an iPhone 4S? It was still the best, most reliable phone around and it even talked to you in a sexy voice.
But on the internet rumours were being whispered about the iPhone 5. It was going to be amazing. Some said it would have liquid metal, or could replace your credit card, or see in the dark, or give you x-ray vision with an ‘attractive lady only’ setting. It might even let you watch 3D porn on a bus! It was going to be astounding.
I decided to wait it out. It would be worth it. iPhone. 3D porn. Bus.
So I waited for the iPhone and… it was a bit longer… and a bit quicker… and er… it has new earphones… er… Quite frankly it was the same. Even the advertising is struggling to think of a positive. Remember iPhone ads a couple of years ago? It was amazing what you could do with the round cornered rectangle of joy that was the iPhone 4. Now? A guy showing how the phone is the perfect size for his hand is the main advert. Really? A five foot tall woman or 6’4 man might have different sized digits. Perhaps a few choice of handset sizes would sort that problem out but no. Apple knows best. Your hand is the one at fault you midget/giant you.
Consequently I now have an Android. It is bigger than an iPhone which is great because I am 6’1 and slightly bigger hands than the average human. It also is easier to write emails and texts and check the news and watch or read things. I have to say it has been quite a liberating experience. I can just chuck films and music on my phone with having to have an Apple program ‘syncing’ it for me. I can take the back off and replace the battery or insert an SD card with 64gig memory. Life just feels freer than it did under Apple’s strict rules.
I mentioned this switch to people and some were happy because “iDrone’s are shit”. Others were shocked: “Sorry but iPhones are best, androids don’t last.” Reactions have been surprisingly polar.
I don’t really care. There are pluses and minuses with both. I was just a bit shocked by the vehemence with which some people defend a brand. There are just gadgets. At present the best tablet is the iPad and the best phone is the Samsung Galaxy 3/Note 2. I’m just going by things like functionality, speed, cost, memory, battery, user friendliness, ability to watch porn on buses, and so forth. A bigger screen is better for what people spend most of their time doing these days which is using their phone as a mini computer. It is more important than thumb length. If you want to own a smaller phone that makes phone calls buy an old one – the batteries last 5 days and they are robust and cheap.
So if you’re a huge fan of Apple or Android, I don’t care. All that matters is that my new phone fucking rocks. It is an Android. My next phone might be anything. Balls to brand loyalty.
Here is a great clip from Futurama in case you just got bored. It also explains where I first thought of watching porn on a bus. It happens to looks better on a big screen if you’re viewing this on your phone. Just saying. Enjoy!