I have been working a lot recently, which is a shame as work is officially bad for you (probably). It’s certainly detrimental to your brain when you work in the TV industry and have to work on kids’ TV channels for twelve hours in a row. This mental stress is increased still further when you get to the adverts and see what kind of bat-shit craziness passes for toys these days.
If you have kids/sticky little humans of your own, you may already be aware of some of these products. I don’t. Consequently their toys are new to me and frankly, they are just fucking bizarre. I won’t even be mentioning little girls’ dolls that pee and crap themselves as I find them genuinely scary. I’m just looking at the odd here. It baffles me how someone thought these would be good fun, how they got the funding, how they persuaded shops to sell them, who would buy them for their kids, and so on. Ok, you will see what I mean. I just picked four, but there are tons of these things.
Silly Moo Action Game
Are your kids fascinated by farming? In particular milking cows? Are they worried about the whole milk vs cowshit problems endemic with the business? If yes, then check out the Silly Moo Action Game! Milk a cow and win when milk comes out or lose when it shits itself! The game ends when the cow’s eyes pop out. Brilliant.
In this game, a dismembered head is placed on a table and kiddywinks reach in through the ears/mouth/whatever and try to pull out aliens or brains or rats or – if you freeze right at the end around 00:13 and look beneath the rat on the right hand side – what looks like a shit-stained diaper. Fun!
Sticking with the ‘head on a table’ theme, we now have Gooey Louie. In this one, the head sneezes and the aim is to pull out his snot. If you pull the wrong snot, then his brains explode out of his head! Seriously. That’s the game.
Finally we come to doggie doo. A genius mash-up of some of the above ideas. You feed the plastic dog, squeeze a pump, and then catch a dog-shit on a shovel. The end. Look how happy they all are!
Imagine 12 hours of this and you will see why have another job.