So What’s Been Happening?

Well, it’s 6:30am and I’m eleven hours into my shift. Or to put it another way – nothing’s happening and I’m at work being paid quite handsomely to watch Doctor Who. Is that good or bad? I don’t know. I do know that it could be a lot worse but I really need a beer. I’m doing 11 12-hour shifts in a two week period and it hasn’t allowed me much social life. Again this is both a good and bad thing. Good for my liver and bad for my brain. I finish on Monday morning, will catch a couple of hours sleep and head for the Notting Hill Carnival. When I will rectify the situation with cans of Red Stripe.

Because of all this I haven’t done much. I read the paper a lot. So er, here’s what’s been happening I found mildly interesting over the past few days:

A-level and GCSE results are up yet again. If you’re a pessimist, then you probably think that this is because they are getting easier so that schools can report better results and the government can say how brilliant the education is. If you’re an optimist and don’t want to belittle the young

The next generation of Brits.

The next generation of Brits.

people’s achievements then presumably you are in awe of the increasingly super-genius that are leaving schools. Year upon year the British are getting smarter and it’s quite baffling that we haven’t ruled the world by now. Having read a few internet forums on sites like Amazon, I have to say I’m leaning toward cynicism. The other day someone was reviewing something and said they had ‘buyed’ this and it was crap. They were 18. This was not an isolated event and one forum descended into a generational debate between 30/40 year olds and teen/20 year olds. All the younger generation were morons in this forum and defended themselves by saying it was just a forum. The older generation pointed out that buyed isn’t a word and you don’t confuse your, you’re, they’re, their, and there because you are relaxed and simply chatting. You do it because you’re an idiot. Or is it ‘your an idiot’ (just a wee joke). Most of us older types claimed it was a matter of dignity, learning, and that the younger ones sucked. With that said, the other 30/40 year olds and I, proud in our maturity, wisdom, and education left the Playstation 3 discussion room in disgust.

In defense of Britain’s youth, I suspect they are exactly equal in intelligence to all previous generations. They are just worse at spelling.

Another news story I saw was about a high-speed train that will go from London to Scotland in 2 hours. Which is cool if you’re feeling too dry and warm and crave a deep-fried mars bar.

These deep fried Mars Bars could be two hours away in the wonderful future.

These deep fried Mars Bars could be two hours away in the wonderful future.

Actually I’m being flippant here as I love Scotland. The bits I’ve been to anyway. Mostly Edinburgh in fact. I have spent the odd day in Glasgow, Dunblane and Bridge of Allan too and they were delightful. Apparently you will also be able get to Manchester and Liverpool in an hour which is pretty impressive. The article added as an afterthought that you’d be able to go to Birmingham in 45 minutes but seemed at a loss as to why. I have yet to meet anyone who has ever gone to Birmingham. Maybe it awesome and happening and a brilliantly kept secret.

Roll on 2030!

Roll on 2030!

The only problem with this train is that it won’t be in place until 2030. Which says something about British transport. There will be a moon base and we will have landed on Mars before we can build a quick train to Scotland. There is something deeply wrong with this scenario.

I wrote about how few have died from swine flu recently and struggled to think of something nobody has ever heard of that has killed more. I then read in a paper of a 16 year old girl who died of adult cot death. This is incredibly tragic and apparently kills hundreds of adults a year. I did a bit of internet research and found that this is linked to the rather alarmingly named Sudden Adult Death Syndrome. Where you just die. Probably while doing something dull. I have decided to worry about this instead. I now really resent work just in case it happens there.

Apparently most Brits are staying put in Britain this year and enjoying what the media have rather tediously dubbed a ‘staycation’. On top of this, more and more people are staying in and drinking at home due to the recession, pub prices and the smoking ban. This combination of staying in and drinking has led to the biggest baby boom in 50 years. Then it was relief to have survived the war and not be speaking German but now it seems to be alcoholic boredom. There’s not a lot on telly, you’re drunk with the missus, what else is there to do? I did read that the average Brit who has left the country on holiday consumed an average of 8 alcoholic drink per person every day. This booze expenditure is probably why we are so welcome abroad.Send_Booze

In summary then, not a lot has been happening and I’ve done bugger all.

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