Happy Christmas! For Christ’s sake, stay at home.

Worship Santa!

Hooray! Christmas is here again! All hail Santa and Amazon and last minute shopping on Oxford street (or your local hellish equivalent). I was in Soho last night and it was good to see that people were really taking the ‘it’s the season to be merry’ idea to heart. I haven’t seen so many unbelievably wasted people in quite a while. They must have been merry since at least mid-day god bless ’em – every stumbling, vomiting one.

We’ve even got snow this Christmas. Granted, in London at least, it fell about a week ago but its seasonal affects are still here to be felt by all. Our airports are all shut and in chaos, and our trains are buggered and in a state of emergency, the roads are all icy, pavements unsalted. And so on. It’s not a proper winter any more without a few inches of snow catching everyone off guard, followed by inquests into how this can happen, then promises that next year everyone will be completely ready. It has rapidly become a tradition. It’s understandable to be fair, as we had never had snow in Britain before and are usually tropical and rain/sleet/snow free.

The exception this year has been the underground, which has come as a relief to all. Usually less than half an inch of snow is enough to practically cripple the capital. Not this year though and I was travelling across London when the near-civilisation-collapsing two inches fell. Last year London Underground said they would be more prepared this year and there was no need to threaten them with fines or anything. They were as good as their word. It was unfortunate then, that half the network did shut down but if the announcements were to believed, it was just due to a staggering amount of unfortunate coincidences. More signal failures, random fires, passenger incidents, and so on than I have ever experienced before. But they can’t be fined or fired because it was not snow related, it was just a coincidental string of other problems.

I’ve picked a lot on the underground in London this year and I promise I will try and cut down next year. After Christmas I should be so full of seasonal cheer that all will be forgiven. Except they are striking on Boxing day so that won’t happen. Pricks. I will stop though as the majority of my readers aren’t from London and can’t fully appreciate the misery of travel here.

Apart from the sarcastic whinge-fest above, I am feeling quite Christmassy. We have the tree up and it is covered in baubles and lights and we have a traditional stuffed teddy bear tied to the top. My wife and I chose our presents but what they lack in surprise they massively make up for in quality. Red Dead Redemption Undead Nightmare and Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood plus a few DVDs, Blu-Rays and books will certainly put a smile on this good boy’s face.

I’ll be working all Christmas, but that means free cabs, free food, and lots of cash. I’ll mostly be working on the SyFy channel (Sci Fi but written cool, yeah?), so there are lots of specials. They are also having a ‘Kung Fu’ Christmas season which is fantastic. Can’t see the link Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee movies have to either Scifi or Xmas, but I know nothing and will enjoy watching tons of people getting a kicking.

I hope you all have a wonderfully fattening and indulgent Christmas. It is a fun time of year – just don’t try and go anywhere. Stay in and eat.

Joy to the world from the Word of Ward!

P.S. Check out this out. Best. Snowman. Ever.

Jabba the Snowman

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