Eye Lasik Surgery

Perfect eyes

I got my eyes lasered recently and it has been awesome! I can now see for thousands of miles. I could see pretty astoundingly with my contact lenses, but now I can see at an almost superhuman level. I spend my evenings staring into the night sky discovering new planets. I joked to a friend that I practically had X-ray vision, but then realised that would probably be a curse. How many people do you see on the street that you would actually want to see naked? Less than 10% at least. Ugly bastards.

In case you are thinking of having it done – go for it. It is truly life changing. Don’t quote me if your eyeballs fall out though.

The procedure was laughably simple. On the actual day, you are asked to sign a form that scares the crap out of you. ‘I won’t blame anyone if I go blind or my eyes explode in flames.’ That sort of thing. You are then taken to a room where a charming nurse will put anesthetic drops in your eyes. After about ten minutes of explaining after-care, you are given incredibly sexy coverings for your hair and shoes. You lie back in a bed and your head is strapped down and eyelids clamped back. Like in Clockwork Orange but without the stirring music. Some device is then pushed against your eye. This is the most uncomfortable part. Imagine someone pressing on your eyeball with their thumb for about 5 seconds. This is when they cut a circle around your iris.

You then stare at a laser which flashes a few times and is pleasantly accompanied by a loud series of crackles and the smell of your own flesh burning. Or the smell of burning hair to be precise (don’t ask me why). Nice. There then follows some drops in your eye and what seems to be a doctor painting the flap of eye skin back into place.

Then repeat.

The whole procedure took about ten minutes.

For the next few hours my eyes stung like buggery and my vision was a bit hazy. The following morning was a lot better although my eyes still felt a bit sore. A bit like someone had cut them and fried them with lasers to precise. It wasn’t too bad though. If you wear lenses then imagine wearing them for a 12 hour flight. You can feel the edges around your pupils.

Every day your eyes feel better. The vision was superb (for me at least) from the second or third day. After about a week or so, your eyes feel superb. In as much as you can judge these things.

My main worry now is that I will get drunk and forget I no longer wear lenses. Trying to pull out non-existent pieces of plastic would be painful.

In summary then: it’s one of the best things I have ever done. It’s actually in third place behind losing my virginity and getting married (not necessarily in that order). Which is pretty high ranking.

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